• Me

    Please note: this story references suicidal thinking

    Feeling like i have an alter egoI try to find me and wonder where did me goTrying to decide who is the real meAlter ego or not will i ever see The layers are many and thickI don't know which me is me to pickThis makes me feel lost and confusedIsolated and bemused Am i the me that's trapped as a childThe young boy onto whom misery was piledAm i the me that is the young boy ...

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    Tags:
    life,
    history
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  • Mother

    This story references abuse.

    You had me but i never had youWhy did you do the things that you'd doWhy was i made to feel like the outcast of the familyCouldn't you see the effect it would have on me You and my father filled my youth with fearEvery time you both were nearI couldn't make a noise when you had a napToo scared to talk or even run a tap As long as you got to your bingoIn Castlemilk or the ...

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    Tags:
    the,
    past
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  • Soul Satisfaction

    I'm searching for a soul satisfactionDirection, Creation and ReactionFrom The Power deep withinForgiving of all sins Buried deep within The SecretAll my pains and regretsWaiting on the time to re-appearReady for my soul to hear Believeing in The UniverseThis life isn't a dress re-hearseTake the first steps and you will findA better peace in mankind The meaning of joy in our soulTo make us wholeThis feeling may be celestialMaybe it could even be terrestrial I'll keep searching for that ...

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    Tags:
    Recovery
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  • 22:25 (29/11/13)

    Nightmares that make me cryNightmares of those who've diedTheir spirits are so clearWhen i wake i believe those who've gone are still here Then i realise that they're notThe realisation makes my heart briefly stopIt stops because of the painKnowing things will never be the same again The pain is so upsettingI'm filled with things that i'm regrettingWhy the others and not meWhy did The Universe let me be It was as if there was an invisible line ...

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    Tags:
    surviving
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  • Regret

    Regret postpones lifeIt holds you in the past like a viceTakes a hold and won't let goEats you up and takes your soul But you have to live life with no regretAnd look to the future you haven't lived yetI have some time left that isn't in the pastI"m going to make my future last The past is our knowledge and the present our mistakeThe future we always leave too lateBut i have come to my sensesAnd i'm ...

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    Tags:
    the,
    future
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  • Father

    I've now outlived my father of 48This past year has been a disaster brought by fateThis stirs up strange feelingsAnd at times has left me reeling I've outlived Lennon, Elvis and my DadI've mixed feelings....am i happy or sadI've no reason to be overjoyedBut these feelings i can't avoid So where do i go from hereI don't have my father to give me a steerI feel empty at the thoughtBut i have memories...that's all i've got I've lived ...

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    Tags:
    surviving
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  • Price I Pay

    Sleep comes as no reliefIt gives grudgingly through gritted teethMaking sure there is a price to payIf i want to get through night to day It ensures it gives me nightmares and fearsMaking sure i wake in floods of tearsRemembering vividly what i've dreamtAnd leaving me to figure out what it meant The price of sleep is much too highHypervigilence, nightmares, exhaustion......no matter how much i tryTeasing me through the dayBut nightime is when it goes all ...

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    Tags:
    fear
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  • Inspiration

    Blaine is my inspirationHe is also my determinationTo overcome my struggled pastAnd get busy living.....fast I want to see his future unfoldI want to see him as i grow oldFrom the first word he says To his first school days To see him become whatever he desiresAnd see him light his life's firesTo watch him look to the skies aboveTo see him smile and find true love I want Blaine to know he can wake up the nationBlaine will always ...

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    Tags:
    the,
    future
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  • Leap of Faith

    Leaving my job may be my biggest leap of faithWill I be able to fill the spaceLeaving behind all the responsibilityAnd believing in my future ability Will I still have a valueIn everything I say or doI always let my job define meWill I be able to let it be Will I cope with what the future bringsI look at my past and see how i've handled thingsWill I miss the stress and fearOr will I simply enjoy each day i'm here I long for ...

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    Tags:
    #future
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  • Cake On The Stairs

    Cake on the stairsLike no-one caresBlaine, mum and meOn the stairs us three Squeezing in to where Blaine saysAs he draws and playsTelling us to take a seatThese are the memories that i'll keep Telling us he wants more pensConcentration so intenseAs he draws in his padSitting beside his mum and dad Loving his cubes of cakeAs much in his mouth that he could takeStopping only to take some juiceThirst his only excuse When he's finished he'll shout for ...

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    Tags:
    hope
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  • Superman

    People have said i'm an inspirationI take that comment with hesitationI feel like Superman weighed down with KryptoniteBut like Christopher Reeves i'll fight the fight As John Lennon says 'I believe in me'I believe in what i want to beI want to find an inner peaceAnd teach my wounded soul to be at ease I know i want to keep on keeping onI want to keep on until i'm goneI will be here for my son BlaineAnd ...

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    Tags:
    #future
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  • FD 18

    Fathers DayWhat a wayTo spend with my sonAnd his beautiful mum To wake up in the sunshineAnd realise what is mineTo be loved by them bothMore than Blaine loves toast We went for brunch at PosadoniaAnd it rained like it does in CaledoniaThe streets were filled with deep puddlesAnd in shop doorways we would huddle Uo to the bakery for some crepes and chocolate cakeSome chocolate mint ice-cream Blaine would takeTeasing me with his thoughts of sharingBut instead ...

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    Tags:
    surviving,
    Hope; Thriving
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  • Hope

    What is life without hopeIt's like a shower without soapWithout hope there is nothingWe all need to want something What is life without hopeIt's like the sea without boatsWithout hope there is nothingWe all need to love something What is life without hopeIt's like freezing in winter without a coatWithout hope there is nothingWe all need to need something What is life withour hopeIt's like elections without a voteWithout hope there is nothingWe all need to stand for ...

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    Tags:
    Hope
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  • Sometimes

    Sometimes it snows in May but summer always comesSometimes it feels like the world has stopped but it always turnsSometimes it feels like the mountain can't be climbedBut Everest is conquered all the time Sometimes it feels like hope and despairSometimes i never want to go thereSometimes i think i will never overcomeBut men with no legs can still run Sometimes it feels like the sun will never riseSometimes it feels like there's no hope in my ...

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    Tags:
    Hope
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  • Boat

    Fishing with Peter early on ThursdayWhat a beautiful sunrise to start the dayI sat admiring the view on the pierTrying to contain my excitement and fear The sunrise was such a beautiful sightIt must give hope at the end of each nightEverything was quiet and calmIt's like a peaceful shot in the arm The sea was as still as iceA view i simply can't describeMoving at speed along the surfaceAmazement written all over my face Stopping to throw in ...

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    Tags:
    Hope;,
    Discovery
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  • Devils Chase

    Please Note: This piece has dark themes

    Every day i run the Devils ChaseI stare into his dark and evil faceHe stares back with his empty eyesTelling me 'it's your time to die' I run and run but can never escapeI'm always within his sight, his reach.....and gapeHe pulls me back by the shirt tailInto every disaster and trauma without fail Making me feel my time has comeKnowing that the devil i cannot outrunThis is it now he has me in his graspI feel ...

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    Tags:
    fear,
    survival,
    panic;
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  • Real To Me

    My reality is different from anyone else'sWe're all the centre of our own universe'sIn the middle of our own little bubblesDealing with our fears and troubles I know me but don't know youYou may think you know me tooBut i know i won't let you inFor fear you see all my sins There are too many to rememberYet some burn like hot embersEvery day upon my soulKnowing each one takes it's toll But i know what makes me ...

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    Tags:
    Hope;
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  • Ascent

    Each day i wake at the foot of the mountainWhen alli want is to drink from life's fountainKnowing i'm going to climb through rocks and rubbleTrying to conquer my fears and trouble Each night i reach the mountain's peakBut of my troubles i did not speakTo speak of them would make them realThen people would judge me and how i feel The ascent takes all day and nightBut inside my head it's a continual fightI keep repeating ...

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    Tags:
    survival
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  • Forever Cynic

    Diagnosed with Complex PTSD, now i know why i've been me.Living all these years with my torture, never knowing if it was nature or nurture. Hoping that i'm still seen as a man, but knowing you choose not to understand.Intent to punish and not to care, ignoring all the years i've been there. Giving you everything for 7 years, blood and sweat despite my tears. You have a real lack of understanding, why on myself i'm so demanding. After 7 years ...

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    Tags:
    survival,
    Recovery,
    Pain
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  • Ember

    Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide

    I'm so filled with this sorrow, can't get through today, can't bare to think about tomorrow.This pain, this pain, this pain, so indescribable i can't explain.Not part of this world nothing seems real, so numb with pain, i just can't feel.I'm the loneliest guy on this planet, this can't beb all to life....can it?Decision made my path is chosen, my time on earth will soon be frozen.To those i've known i'll be a memory, except ...

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    Tags:
    Pain,
    Despair
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  • The Final Chime

    Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide

     i just want to stop this pain, it falls on me like endlees rain.Why why why each day i cry, so much so my tears are dry.All i want is joy and gladness, i've lived too long in the shadows of sadness.All i feel inside is numb, knowing that i will succumb.My pain just never goes away, i realise now it's here to stay.No matter what i say, think or do, I'll never be normal unlike you.I've ...

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    Tags:
    Pain
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