Am I a Robot?
I am a Robot - Today, I woke up with this thought in my head. Why you might ask? My relative is crashing in my flat for one night. and all day yesterday I 've been cleaning and tidying [I cant bare the idea of my relative seeing how I actually live!] So I imagined that I was preparing my apartment for an Air b'n'b tourist....This way I will get the place up to standard and ...read more
I've never identified with having strengths. I'm so busy surviving that there isn't much time to stop and take stock of how I've managed in any given situation. I usually feel a great sense of relief if I come out the other end relatively unscathed....phew!Today, I will try to illuminate any strengths I may have.....My given situation is: Sitting at my keyboard attempting to attribute even one strength to myself...mmmm....omg...ive no idea, my mind is blank, what the ...read more
My Experience of Anger to Date...
I haven't felt anger for years, I've managed to numb myself from it. I was always told to not get angry! A forbidden emotion when I was growing up. If I did get angry, I was made to feel completely and utterly ashamed with myself and I came to the conclusion I was bad. This dynamic was perpetrated by my family. Who btw were allowed to express this emotion and usually I was their sitting duck, the ...read more
I am Recovering!
I've only just begun thinking around the idea that I'm actually in recovery. Being around others with mental health issues and talking has brought this to the forefront of my mind. It gives me a reason to not give up.....the idea that I AM RECOVERING! It feels good seeing this in print, it makes my recovery more of a reality...I've felt like this for so long, I can't remember what it feels like to ...read more
4pm on a Monday and Still in My PJ's
I can't seem to settle myself today. My anxiety is progressively increasing for no apparent reason. I tried some drawing to still myself but I couldnt concentrate, so I moved onto practicing singing a song I've grown to like, alas this just made me more anxious and jumpy. I went for a nap, the quiet only lasted as long as the nap. I thought about phoning Samaratins but I dont feel like talking. So here I ...read more
Moving Forward Somehow
Wondering how I got here and where this will lead?Here I go.......I feel confused a lot of the time and struggle to understand who am I.....?One thing I know about myself is that I enjoy the creative process. I've been attending a couple of art classes a week as part of my recovery and this is definitly what gets me out of bed. I struggle to talk and can find words difficult when I'm triggered, ...read more
Being My Own Best Friend
being my own best friend. I often think what it would be like if I could be as nice and kind to myself as I am to others?Enormous amounts of physical and mental energy goes into helping others - in my world anyway - Being my own best friend sounds alien to me, but how difficult can it be?One of the hardest things Im trying to do, it appears! I find that being a best friend to someone ...read more