• The Wound

    Some days it catches my scent, then it's on my trail all day, driving me over the edge of the steepest cliff, clipping at my fingers as I cling on, holding onto composure. I feel open and raw to the world, people speak and I sting, my mind is a damn to the floods of emotion and it aches with the strain. Those days fighting back tears for ten hours out in the world, while people look into ...

    read more
    Tags:
    • 0
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0
  • I Am The Thing That Tries

    Everything felt like an injury.Every day felt like it would be framed and displayed forever.Every time I made a mistake I felt that mistake was who I was as a person.But I am the space in between the mistakes. I am the thing that tries, not the thing that fails.I am me on my best days. That is the part of me that can steady myself and see the perspective, that knows that mistakes shrink ...

    read more
    Tags:
    • 2
    • 1
    • 1
    • 0
  • The Collector

    He is my favourite hiding place,I stash my fears there,in the lining of his heart. He keeps them in pockets, turns them over in his hands,running a thumb in circles,over their surface,'til they're smooth, transformed,and returned to me:smaller, simpler, and rounded. He does this seamlessly,calmly.  They come back not quite so heavy. He will be a wise old man,  

    read more
    Tags:
    hope,
    anxiety,
    support,
    fear,
    love
    • 1
    • 2
    • 1
    • 0
  • The Shadow of the Future

    I am tethered to it, no matter how remote it seems, no matter how impossible. Connected, every part of me, by delicate threads. Each movement ripples away behind the veil of time. It's not opaque. I can see shadows and light dancing across the surface.I move and the shadows move, I get hints of how they connect. It's not always perfect, I can't control everything, but the way I move, it moves like me, I can control this. ...

    read more
    Tags:
    • 0
    • 0
    • 2
    • 0
  • Positivity

    A bloated word, embarrassing, in florescent colours. It grins at me. It is an unfeeling word.I want to pop it like a balloon and watch it whir across the room and reach the floor, deflated and realistic.It is used irresponsibly, that word. You should need a license to use that word. Only those who use it properly should be allow it. It is not a door you can simply step through, a place that you suddenly ...

    read more
    Tags:
    • 1
    • 2
    • 2
    • 1
  • Every Single Failure

    I collected secrets daily.I promised mysef that each was the last. A promise that lasted a day, then needed replaced.I filled up with these discarded promises, 'til I was brimming. Sickened,locked in a chamber with all my daily failures, and they summed me up.I could not see myself as anything otherthan the sum of all these parts. I kept them there, inside a feeble belief I could digest them all myself,that eventually this mass of broken promises, failures, ...

    read more
    Tags:
    courage,
    recovery,
    sense of self,
    self-knowledge,
    truth
    • 2
    • 2
    • 3
    • 1
  • Territorial

    A force inside my mind,inside my chest,a force that feels something like pain,but not quite,something like fear,urges me to go.  How much will I surrender to this feeling,this foreign part that comes from me,but is not me.Is not welcome. This feeling speaks a urgent language,it speaks to me in ultimatumsabout what I can and cannot endure. It says 'enough' several times a day,but I don't leave when it says leave.I don't give in when it tells me to.And ...

    read more
    Tags:
    identity,
    recovery,
    despair,
    survival,
    endure
    • 3
    • 0
    • 3
    • 0
  • An Old Skin

    A reflex to look backwards,just to be sure it's not still trailing,it's not catching up on me.Me: it's betrayer.An old skin,worn and peeling.I run my hands over myselfI reassure myself at least three times a daythat it hasn't made it's wayback there, behind my eyes,an old, dead self.Young and dying. Brittle skin,hard enough to crack, I watch out for the slow hardening,the scales appearing.Soften to myself,flesh too soft to break,but stretch and train its shape. 

    read more
    Tags:
    sense of self,
    recovery,
    future
    • 0
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0